what hurts the most??

Cannot go forward, cannot go back,
Wishing that I could drop dead in my tracks.
I know I am leaving something behind,
And it is tearing my spirit inside.

Choices have always made me aware
Of contradictions in me - so unfair!
It seems that it all has to come down to me.
I wonder if someone my struggles can see?

Self-hatred, self-torment - familiar sight!

Alone, be alone, and from it all hide -
That's my first impulse that won't get me far.
Is that way for many, or is it my star?

Maybe I should have simply there stayed,
And prevented the so unknown fate
That chills me and makes me so scared.
Who knows how I would have otherwise faired?

But my life has passed in change after change,
Now in security I feel too strange,
And my restless heart does make me go on.
Moving and shifting is ever my song!

When you are taken for granted but you're still holdin on.

xoxo,

ms.M

headache

I feel kinda weird today, unbearable headache strikes again and I can't take it anymore, medicine did not effect on me and its also affect my appetite. I can't sleep, the only thing I did is lying down on the bed and put the pillow on my head and close my eyes. This is what I really hate, headache matching with losing my appetite.. haisst.. too bad really.